A Final Letter of Farewell
November 23, 2018
Yes, plural is in order here. I allowed you to own me long enough. It has come to my attention that my dreams and goals have been stagnant for some time; they are simply not being met. Why you ask? Because y’all have become my priority, or rather y’all have become my ego’s priority. Egos are healthy, until fears like yourselves begin to overrule the heart, soul, and mind’s vision of the now and future now’s.
I don’t blame you for where I stand – I blame no one, including myself. Why? Because fear is passed on from one generation to the next through families, societies, nations, and religion gone awry. Fears are like a bonfire folks can gather around to share different versions of the same fear. Families pass on fears ranging from money, education, societal acceptance, economic status, usually based on worthiness; societies pass on fears of anything that differs from the collective, usually based on survival of the fittest; nations pass on fears of invasion of differing religions, skin color, political philosophies, usually based on tyrants need for control; religions or lack of religion passes on words as hope, faith and trust by twisting those foundations as fears and retribution; educational systems pass on the fear that there is but one path to wisdom, success, and abundance…the academic path. No, dear Fear, you alone are not to blame, but…what’s that, you want to be allowed to present arguments for fear being right and the safest path to not failing?
Well, I guess I can give you a shot at it, but let’s stick to discussing money and love. Let me pour a little Gentleman Jack…okay, go for it.
Fear: I think you’re wrong, girly.
Me: Why thank you, I haven’t been called a girl for a very long time. Go on.
Fear: Money. Money is my best friend, because folks fear it if they have it or not. If they have it, they hoard it thinking there is never enough. If they don’t have it, they fear they will never have it. People judge each other based on their bank accounts and their material have and have not, so people will always feed me with their fear surrounding money.
Me: I agree on your arguments, but money is not what feeds the fear.
Fear: It isn’t?
Me: No, it’s worthiness and limited thinking…it’s being stuck on the lowest level of Maslow’s Hierarchy. You don’t know what that is do you?
Me: Abraham Maslow studied man’s needs and his ability to transcend his basic needs, the lowest level of survival, to the highest level of self. Self-actualization is the ability to “detach from the good opinion of others”, another Maslow wisdom.
Money is an external source that man has allowed to take hold of his self-worth. Money is good, very good, but if you’re not enough without it, you will never be enough with it.
Fear: Well, how come people with good business or creative ideas don’t ask for financial help to launch their purpose? I can answer my own question, because y’all fear being told no and don’t want to be thought of as foolish.
Me: Again, you make good points, but again you miss why fear dwells within man. The fear of rejection or being thought of as foolish is about one’s worthiness, belief in success, and comparison.
Fear: So, it’s not about the money or the asking?
Me: Well, not about the money, but the asking is a fear, an unfounded fear entrenched in rejection. Some folks will deny money.
Fear: Deny money, what’s up with that?
Me: Some folks are brought up in religious doctrine that equates money with evil, so they preach poverty as the way to heaven.
Fear: Geez, that’s funny.
Me: Not really, but it is sad. Money is not evil, folks abusing money as a measure of worth or using it to deny others is, because they can be too.
Fear: Well then, you see people fear money.
Me: No, people fear an illusion (God’s retribution) that they have been taught by some organized religions. They forget about the parable that rewards those that take their talents and grow them.
Fear: Okay, what about fearing money, because past mistakes were made with finances. That’s my golden ticket. I like handing that one out.
Me: Don’t go getting all bravado with your fears. Yes, mistakes are made, after all humans are human. Getting stuck in blaming oneself for being so is not a fear as much as it is self-judgment piled on by societal and familial self-righteousness. Again, a fear that can only live if worth, self-actualization is not reached.
Fear: Hmmm…let’s move on, because I know there are fears that you can’t Maslow away.
Me: LOL, okay, bring it on.
Fear: Love! People fear love. I could live off the fear surrounding love and relationships, forever; I have been since forever.
Me: I bet. That love fear has owned me far too long. Is there a particular fear you want to address?
Fear: For starters, you folks fear love so much you attach yourselves to emotionally unavailable partners. Or worse you fear love to the point you control the emotions and situations surrounding it. And then there’s the fear of being abandoned, so you only go half-way into love. Oh, and I love this one, you’re so sure it will end that you don’t even begin. That one gets me rolling on the floor with huge belly laughs.
Me: Dude, that’s a mouth load. So, let me take one at a time, and then wrap it up with the major deflection from going full-force into love. Is that okay?
Fear: Whatever. This one can’t be reasoned out.
Me: You’re right, reason has nothing to do with self-actualization…that requires letting go of the limited mind-think. Oh, and stop rolling your eyes.
Fear: I wasn’t rolling my eyes; I was just thinking you’re kind of flakey.
Me: Well on that note, and in full disclosure, I am rolling my eyes.
Me: Alright, I’ll just explain it in a way that addresses love of partner, family, and self. Can you handle that?
Fear: I can handle anything, because fear wins out in the end.
Me: Oh, it can end and so can your power over folks, but that’s for another day. Fear of love is grounded in folks forgetting, whether the wisdom is from the Bible, Buddhism, or philosophical teacher.
Fear: That’s just plain selfish.
Me: Ah, that’s what Fear wants man to believe, but doing anything, especially love half-ass is where selfishness lies. When you realize you are worth loving yourself, respecting your emotions, thoughts, ideas, and when you can do that without arrogance (another form of fear), then you can love openly and freely.
Fear: No way that happens, because vulnerability, my bud, steps in. That fear is my go-to fear!
Me: My turn for a whatever. Vulnerability is the energy that drives unconditional love. I know, folks find that hard to accept, because the fear of being seen as being weak or getting taken advantage of by a partner. The truth is that unconditional love is fearless and courageous; it’s an energy that fuels one’s heart, soul, and mind.
Fear: Well, maybe, but not having the love of your family is a big fear.
Me: I think that fear is confused with respect. That fear has no age limit. I had a friend recently go overboard when his dad was coming for a visit…despite being on a tight budget he went beyond smart to make sure his dad saw that he had life under control. To make matters worse, a huge storm was predicted to hit. Now, this guy is a survivalist and if zombies ever showed up, you’d want this guy on your side, but his deep hidden fear snuck up on him, and he went crazy preparing for a storm that never showed up…an action he would never have worried on any other given day.
Fear: Well, he wanted his dad comfortable.
Me: Yes, he did, but the stress he put himself under to go beyond his normal acceptable behavior was based in fear. I can’t say for sure where that fear came from, but my educated guess is as a man he had to show his father that he indeed was in control, when in fact he’s under health, emotional, and financial pressures. Most men are fear-conditioned to be in control.
Fear: That sounds sexist!
Me: No, it’s instinct, solidified by societal and familial expectations.
Fear: Well, I think his fear was justified.
Me: Fear is never justified; it just is, until a person realizes they are owned by that fear.
Fear: Well, everyone fears not being accepted and loved by their families and friends. That fear is solid, no way you can wipe that slate clean.
Me: It’s not up to me to wipe anyone’s slate clean, but my own. Fear of rejection by family and friends is definitely a fear monger. I see family and friends’ rejection of my being me as their issue, not mine. I understand the need for being a part of a collective, but that’s one I’ve never had trouble with, until I had kids. The only way I dealt with that fear was to let go, really let go of the good opinion of my kids. Strength, faith, and trusting that faith is how I finally let go of fearing losing my kids’ love and respect for me. I also had a good friend encourage me that I had taught them to be their authentic self as the only way to live fully, so why not apply that lesson to myself? I am.
Fear: I don’t see it happening, even if self-act…whatever you call it exists.
Me: I’d never expect you to accept it, but the truth is Fear, that you’re right. Until a person can acknowledge that a fear or fears exist, they will be owned by that fear/those fears. Acknowledgement is key. Acceptance follows, and then the light bulb goes off – damn, Fear owns me! When a person has acknowledged and accepted fear exists, then they can turn around and own it. And that, Fear, is what you fear the most.
Fear: I’ve had enough of you! I do not fear being released or being shelved while a person lives their purpose in love, career, or self…well, maybe a little.
Fear: Go away, you’re ruining my mojo.
Me: Adios old friend. May our paths never cross each other again, and should that occur, may it be short-lived.
Well, I thank you Fear for the conversation. It helped me embrace my belief that I’m worth more than the limitations fear feeds my soul and existence. I also realized that rejection is the source of energy that powers my creative, analytical, and hippie independence; I have no fear of rejection, loving unconditionally, or success. I am me and I own it with pride, courage, and kindness to others and myself.
Sincerely and with no regrets,