A NEW VISION
ADVENTURE – CREATE – LOVE...AND DANCE!
I had been thinking and even writing my thoughts down about this new year and decade; actually, I had been writing my thoughts down on pieces of paper in between filming and editing since November, but I could not quite get the pieces of my vision into form. That changed on December 28th 2019. As I drove home from the McAllen Heart Hospital having kissed my mom good-bye…it had been a tough few days coming to accept that Mom’s heart and lungs were badly damaged and the road many Boomers find themselves taking on, role reversal, was now a path I would go on for the second time…as I drove along the highway, I had a vision of the word VICTIM. It came in a bold black font fit for any billboard. I knew that I was about to have a come to Jesus moment with my heart and soul, and that my mind could not wiggle out of it.
I could get to my new 20/20 Vison, but that conversation regarding my status of living partially with a victim crown had to be addressed. The truth is I had never consciously seen myself that way, but subconsciously I now see how it, VICTIM, played an undermining role in my delays. Though I don’t believe I am the only one suffering from this symptom or guilt felt decisions – I will save that for another day – I needed to address it with no hold barred, if I were to live my BIG dreams in 2020 and not just play at living life fully.
For far too many years I had let my empathic nature set aside my needs and wants as somehow less than. I knew that I was a natural born leader with a strong analytical, critical, creative, and organizational mind; my career successes bore that out, but it also kept in check my relationships, dreams, and creative abilities. I had become a victim to my mind, sacrifice, and living small. Occasionally, I broke out with a creative success, but I would set that aside for far too many excuses or people to count.
No one was at fault, but me. Yes, people took and take advantage of my abilities, but only because I was sitting in victimhood. It was choice and I could and did make the choice to tell VICTIM to go to HELL! I will not enter a new year and a decade being small, being a victim, or apologizing for my dreams, thoughts, or beliefs.
Hell no, I am no spring chicken, that clock is ticking, and this 50 something woman, momma, love, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, writer, artist, photographer, documentary filmmaker, and lover of the outdoors was going to conquer that victim status by following her heart first and letting her mind follow.
That meant I was ready to let go of making my priorities second, staying in a relationship that felt like a spy movie, putting my health in the land of the forgotten, and over-analyzing my heart’s desire. I parked my car, jumped out, spread my arms out to the dark cool night with the stars and moon looking down at me, and quietly shouted to God, “I am yours and I will use your gifts to me to benefit others and myself. I gladly accept life and the new year with love, joy, and laughter. I accept the abundance in all its forms coming to me with gratitude. Thank you, Lord, for carrying through this time of blindness.”
With acknowledgement comes acceptance of the fallout…
It had been way too long since I have published any of my writing; I could make all kinds of excuses, like filming and releasing my first documentary, releasing my first book, negotiating new contracts, traveling, my mom’s recent health issues with a bad heart, but that is called life, my life, and there are no reasons…reasons, nasty little things because they land on your doorstep and call you out!
I was told years ago that the only reason not to get something done was because of death…this particular person had been battling cancer for years, while all the time becoming a millionaire as a Mary Kay Cosmetic director, in fact she is on record for going through most treatments for chemo. So, if Rena Talbert could go get a chemo treatment, be sick, and still get the job done, them by golly so can I.
I would add one other reason that might delay, but should not stop a person from achieving their goals, depression. Depression takes on many forms, and it is a serious issue that should be respected, acknowledged, and confronted, but there have been many outstanding writers, athletes, and moms who have still met their goals. Do not use your medical, financial, physical, mental, or heart issues to not accomplish, because if Plan A fails, go on to Plan B, C, or D….be flexible, just don’t stop. Do not make an excuse that your mind latches onto.
Excuses are ego victim driven. They sound like this, “I’m so busy helping others that I just can’t make time for my goals.”; “I don’t have all my finances in order.”; or my favorite, “I can only have certain hours that I can work/write, because of others demands in the home.” Really?
Are you saying that there are no hours in the day that you can write or accomplish a mission, none? Hmmm…there are twenty-four hours in a day, and you are saying that you cannot find an hour here or there that you can sit down at your computer to write? You know in between your commitments, eating, sleeping, prepping for those errands, there is time that you are probably thinking I cannot find time to sit and write…how about adding up all those moments. My bet is that there are a couple of hours that could be used to write, but instead are wasted creating an excuse (s) for not writing. For me the excuse I use most often is my need for an organized day…hour by hour. If something or someone calls or needs my time during my scheduled writing time, I give up that day of writing. Now that is crazy. Why?
Well in the past three years that I have been dedicated to researching the United States Marine Corps, the one thing I have come to admire about their doctrine is flexibility. The best plans and strategies for combat are thrown out the minute the battle starts. Why? Because combat/life is not linear. We sure want to make it that way, but the Good Lord had no intention of making it so. You do not learn a damn thing if your life is a straight line or played out like a character in a book. Creative and critical thinking comes from drawing outside the lines, so does adventure! And that is where I begin this new year and decade,
DANCE BABY, DANCE!
Adventure, one of the three paths that make up my vision for 2020, for me, and my creative wild side. Adventure is defined by Merriam-Webster as,
1a: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks a book recounting his many bold adventures. b: the encountering of risks the spirit of adventure.
My own definition is very similar,
A move forward that demands trust, boldness, risk, and faith. It is your spirit saying, “Dance Baby, Dance.”, even if you are the only one on the dance floor. It is being a maverick.
So how does that play out for me…you have it in you to create your own adventures…they do not have to look like mine, they do not have to be high risk or done alone…those are things I hold as my definition…so back to how does my 20/20 Adventure look?
My first move is to embrace my love for being outdoors. As a child, I absolutely loved walking in the woods by myself. I had so much fun exploring the plants and looking for a Water Moccasin, have no idea what I would have done, but I wanted to see one in its environment. Nature was a place to find peace and talk to God.
Second, I want to explore my spirituality through stories told through Japanese anime. The Avatar series is a great lesson in resistance, acceptance, and laughter; it is a beautiful tale of love of others and self.
Third, I am looking forward to the exploring the Hispanic culture, my ancestral culture, that I have long denied as a part of what makes me me. My goal is to do this through documentaries, so this is not a quick easy plan, but it is a spiritual truth that I am ready to tackle.
Travel will be playing a large part this year, and throughout this decade of my life. In fact, my goal is to travel sans air, whenever possible due to my cameras and film equipment. I see travel by land as the very best way to explore the culture and people of the Land of the Free. So, what mode will I be using…
Well, how about…
For several years, I have been researching (taking a risk without a little research and planning is anti-adventurous) on recreational vehicles, and finally came to settle on a truck and small Airstream to call home.
It will take some planning and funds to achieve this goal, but again the journey to the goal is where you learn, gain wisdom, and shake-off the doubts.
There is one mode of air travel I will be undertaking…
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I will be skydiving this year! Wow, I cannot believe that with a little encouragement from a certain Marine that I will be kind of earning my wings…I say kind of, because I am thinking once will be enough. I could be wrong. I remember my dad taking me and my little brother, Perry, on our first Mine Train ride at Six Flags over Texas. He made us ride on either side of him…I cried the entire time, but once it was over, I wanted to ride again and again. Never know, I may feel the same way after I land.
My third reason for making traveling a large part of my life is simply because I love hiking and hugging God’s greatest artwork…
Part of any great adventure is stillness. Stillness allows your soul to absorb the peace, beauty, and gracefulness of His palette of colors, texture, and brushstrokes.
This year my 20/20 overall vision is bettering my creative self, whether through book or blog writing, filming, photography, art or cooking. Primary focus that also are my revenue generators are writing, filmmaking and photography. There is one area of my past career that I will be bringing back to write and speak up about…anyone want to guess?
Some will like it and others will not. I am past the age of looking for the title of Most Popular Girl…way past that. I went hermit for a while on the topic, but no more. My focus is not on a political party, I am a Constitutionalist and firm believer like George Washington in being anti-Party. I will be writing, filming, and podcasting on issues of character, policy, semantics, tactics, budgets, media, and responsibility. Let me state simply that if the head of anything is weak, lacking in values or morals, and has a vision of self, then no matter the pretty surface, everything becomes tainted. All that glitters is not gold. I will stand up to and against anyone or Party that is willing to cherry-pick our Republic’s founding document, so that they can beat their chests, while Rome burns. Again, I am too far down the road to care if I am crowned the Homecoming Queen.
My truest love wraps up the mission for a successful creative 2020 – WRITING!
Research – Write – Rewrite
Writing consistently requires that I have to let go of a strict organizational philosophy of block timing. In other words, to Hell with being married to one block of time on my calendar for writing…write whenever. It may be ten minutes here or there, but there will be no day, no evening, no weekend, that I cannot write if I chose to do so. No excuses. Period.
It may only be a paragraph that I publish, but it will be published. My site, CindyAGonzalez.com, is going through an update, so for the month of January it will look choppy, but I will still publish my Daily Muse, Weekly Vision, and photography.
As for the books coming out in 2020, Henrietta – The Brown Organic Egg, Generals and Grunts, and the Blond Headed Cowpokes are up to bat, on deck, and waiting impatiently in the dugout.
Look for the first set of Daily Muses beginning on January 13th, a Weekly Vision on the 16th, and a weekly photo on the 11th.
Of course, I know life is not all about working, traveling, or politics. It is true that one has to be responsible for the finances and career, but the truth of life is found in love. Self-love begets an honest love of others, community, country, and God. Knowing that, and that I only control my side of any equation, this is how I see my 20/20 Vision of Love…
LOVE in 2020 and in the new decade…
…begins with solitude. Not out of pain from loss or grief for what could have been, but a little time to just be with me. I truly believe that you can only love unconditionally when you are happy, in love, and loving of your own company. I do not have a timetable for this period, it could be one day, a month, or year, but I need me back. I need to Dance Baby, Dance! (Same group, but not the same song.)
My greatest little loves are my grandsons, Henry and James. My mission this year is to write to them, so they have a historical reference of their Grams. I hope to Skype with them…I can only imagine how funny and insightful they are as they explore a big world.
Time went by far to fast. As I think about those that I love, those that I share a history with, and those that have loved me, I realize that I need to return that love with face time. My godparents, Maria and Joe Moreno, shown here with my brothers, Michael and Perry, and my cousins, Diana and Sonia, are just a few of a large family that are a balm to my soul.
Open Heart ready to Fly
No timetable on this one, but I am pretty sure that after healing from this most recent past relationship that my Piscean heart is going to embrace the adventure of love one more time. I think…lol!
Enough of the squishy stuff, onward to the fun stuff…
DANCE BABY, DANCE!
My Dance Card includes learning and research. This year I am focused on expanding my knowledge of documentary filmmaking and photography. I think this one is my deepest love, because I love gaining knowledge, learning, researching, and studying new things…gotta keep using those brain cells, so why not get better than your best.
I am looking forward to filming folks in my community, Marines for The Aftermath, and folks in the middle of the political spectrum – the Lost Voices of Democracy. 20/20 Vision of these documentaries are ready to come to life. For those that are not familiar with documentaries, admittedly I a newbie, filming comes before any type of script. The idea is there, but you are going on instinct and interviews; otherwise you are filming a scripted and rehearsed story line. I like the unexpected commentary that a documentary brings to light.
Okay, there are two more things on my Dance Card…
I am not known for being relaxed. OCD – Oh Cindy’s Dancing again! I like to keep moving, but I know that part of the adventure of self-love and self-care is to stop. For me stopping requires water, beach or mountain lake, is the source that rejuvenates and calms my heart and soul.
My hidden love is art. On all my travels, even business, I take time to visit an art museum or a historical building that displays art or is a piece of art itself. This year I am upping my game and work on visiting ones I have not been to or artists I have not seen. The big show I am seeing this year is Mark Bradford at the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington D.C.!
I hope I have made clear that the year and decade are all about DANCE BABY, DANCE! Meaning live fully, live an adventure of love and laughter, find lessons in the challenges, let go of the linear path and love lost, stop being a victim to time and others’ dreams…dream, DREAM BIG and DANCE BABY, DANCE, before the music dies.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Love, Joy, and Laughter on the Path and Grand Adventure called Life,
*Enjoy the music…just a small taste of my favorite dance songs.